Professor Noob's Daily Disquisitions

Today, having successfully completed five days of substitute teaching and not slapped, yelled at, or outright bribed my students, I finally succumbed to my ill body and exhausted mind and took one of my sick days. In retrospect, perhaps not the best decision: it would have been better if I had talked to a real live person instead of leaving a message, been aware that Perfect Mentor was running late, and known beforehand that the superintendent was visiting our classroom first period...to find no me...and no Mentor...and apparently no sub plans...

However, when I woke up this morning, feeling happy and free for the first time in weeks, it seemed like a brilliant plan. Convalescing in my sunny room, catching up on my laundry and my lesson plans, and drinking lovely, lovely tea until I start sweating Lemon Zinger? Just what the doctor ordered. And let me tell you - poor timing aside, I think I'm going to be a better teacher tomorrow and the next week for doing this. Three minutes reading e. e. cumming's "A Poet's Advice" this morning has inspired me far more than the past three days of doling out worksheets ever could.

Yes, I bow my head in shame and admit it: I succumbed to the worksheets. In all fairness, this is not entirely a "screw this, just hand 'em paper" approach (although it is partially influenced by the fact that I am dreadfully behind on all kinds of work). Mostly, it has to do with the fact that almost all of my students are failing. Mostly, this is because any number of my students either a) won't do the work, b) want you to spoon-feed them the work over a period of months, or c) have been absent so often that nobody even knows what work they need to get done. The rest probably has something to do with the fact that I've been a college student for four years, and in college it is perfectly acceptable to get most of your points from several large, self-directed assignments. Not so in high school, and particularly not in this high school. So, praise the copier and pass the workbooks! Because my students all desperately need points.

Fortunately, the actual teaching has become a little easier. I've said before that I think they've stopped testing me - and I've always been wrong. Now I've finally discovered the real process of acceptance. It isn't that one day my students will miraculously enjoy my presence and greet me with smiles. It is that, gradually, some of my students will enjoy my presence, some will hate me to the point of indirectly threatening physical violence, and most won't really give a damn either way. Those that fall into the first category include the Poetry Girls - young female students who like me to give me their poetry to read, which is just about the sweetest thing that I can think of. Those that fall into the latter category include Ms. Mouth, who once told Perfect Mentor that she was considering hitting me to see if I'd hit back. If you're reading this, Ms. Mouth, I wouldn't recommend it, because if I have to hear one more time about how I smell or how you can't wait for me to leave and then you try to assault me, you might end up on the floor with a red mark the shape of my hand on your sneering cheek...

...or not. Probably not, in fact, since I'm pretty hell-bent on graduating this spring and really don't need to fail my student-teaching (sigh). Ah, well, it's a pleasant thought anyway.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have tea to drink.